Dog Humor

Check back weekly for new dog humor!!

Dog Property Laws 1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way. 6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine. 7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine. 8. If I saw it first, it's mine. 9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine. 10. If it's broken, it's yours .

How to Photograph Your Puppy

1. Remove film from box and load camera
2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash
3. Remove pup from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle
4. Choose a suitable background for photo
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth
7. Place pup in pre-focused spot and return to camera
8. Forget about spot, crawl on knees after puppy
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other
10. Get tissue and wipe nose print from lens
11. Take flash from puppy's mouth, throw in trash
12. Put cat outside, peroxide scratch on pups nose
13. Put magazines back on coffee table
14. Try to get pup's attention by squeaking toy over your head
15. Replace your glasses & check camera for damage
16. Grab pup by scruff of neck and say NO! Outside!
17. Call spouse to clean up mess
18. Fix a drink
19. Sit back on Lazy Boy and resolve to teach pup SIT and STAY first thing in the morning!

All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From My Dog...

* If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what you want.
* Don't go out without ID.
* Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their shoes.
* Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
* Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
* Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is effective.
* When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as soon as you're dragged out from under the bed).
* If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.

Dog Rules

1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.